Traditionally this blog has proved to be a tall order for me. It was to be my first none poetry blog since I first got on Myspace, but three attempts and every time internet explorer had a problem with the internet that it explored and needed to shut down. No shit, three times. Well not anymore, I am on the blogger.com now and I aim to finish what I started…
Every person, from the casual music lover to the hardcore music geek all seem to share the same fantasy: that they have found, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the worst album ever made. But actually the album, LP, EP, or whatever is in fact just mediocre, because in my fairly recent digging, I unknowingly unearthed The Worst Album Ever.
That is right, this is some "The Day the Earth stood still” shit.
The Album is called “Decade” by Rabbit in the Moon, and before I go into anymore details regarding the album, I will give a little backstory.
I was at the De Sotto Square Mall in Bradenton, at the FYE. I hadn’t purchased a CD in over 8 months and I thought it was high time I leave the security of YouTube and take a chance on an album. So with Starbucks in hand, I skimmed the aisles for potential purchases. After hitting the usuals, I went down and skimmed thru some of the unknowns and gave them a listen. Then it happened, right next to the only real functioning headphones in the place was a Double CD/DVD of the past 10 years of Rabbit in the Moon, not so creatively dubbed “Decade”.
I thought to myself “sweet another RITM comp”. Of course I was operating on faulty intelligence that Rabbit in the Moon was still fucking incredible. So of course based on that, and that I didnt think to sample it, I would naturally drop the 22+tax. As soon as I got home I threw it on and wasn’t very impressed. I skipped the tracks listening thirty seconds at a time for a clever buildup, a hook, any real zest or trace of originality. My deduction was the album sucked, not only did it lack all of those things above, every song was further sullied by piss poor songwriting (that’s right folks, these pathetic “E”-ed out bitches think they are songwriters now) and SINGING. For more on this see below.
The DVD produced similar results, with ever song having their own correlating music video. Whether it was a taped recording of a live show, or something they cooked up on tour or some soundstage. Everyone of the videos just sucked sucked sucked.
But it wasn’t until about a week later that it hit me, this album didn’t just SUCK, it BLEW at the same time. Not only was it waste of money and time, it was so insanely untalented, boring, and downright stupid!
So I will shut up now and let the album speak for itself. The Following is a direct transcription from the back of the CD/DVD case. Descriptions of each of the tracks on the album. Reading is believing, and go forth with the knowledge that I cant make shit like this up.
Track 1 Time Bomb:
A twisted fantasy of a stalker told through his inner dialog, to have sex through electronics and release the bonds that hold him.
Every person, from the casual music lover to the hardcore music geek all seem to share the same fantasy: that they have found, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the worst album ever made. But actually the album, LP, EP, or whatever is in fact just mediocre, because in my fairly recent digging, I unknowingly unearthed The Worst Album Ever.
That is right, this is some "The Day the Earth stood still” shit.
The Album is called “Decade” by Rabbit in the Moon, and before I go into anymore details regarding the album, I will give a little backstory.
I was at the De Sotto Square Mall in Bradenton, at the FYE. I hadn’t purchased a CD in over 8 months and I thought it was high time I leave the security of YouTube and take a chance on an album. So with Starbucks in hand, I skimmed the aisles for potential purchases. After hitting the usuals, I went down and skimmed thru some of the unknowns and gave them a listen. Then it happened, right next to the only real functioning headphones in the place was a Double CD/DVD of the past 10 years of Rabbit in the Moon, not so creatively dubbed “Decade”.
I thought to myself “sweet another RITM comp”. Of course I was operating on faulty intelligence that Rabbit in the Moon was still fucking incredible. So of course based on that, and that I didnt think to sample it, I would naturally drop the 22+tax. As soon as I got home I threw it on and wasn’t very impressed. I skipped the tracks listening thirty seconds at a time for a clever buildup, a hook, any real zest or trace of originality. My deduction was the album sucked, not only did it lack all of those things above, every song was further sullied by piss poor songwriting (that’s right folks, these pathetic “E”-ed out bitches think they are songwriters now) and SINGING. For more on this see below.
The DVD produced similar results, with ever song having their own correlating music video. Whether it was a taped recording of a live show, or something they cooked up on tour or some soundstage. Everyone of the videos just sucked sucked sucked.
But it wasn’t until about a week later that it hit me, this album didn’t just SUCK, it BLEW at the same time. Not only was it waste of money and time, it was so insanely untalented, boring, and downright stupid!
So I will shut up now and let the album speak for itself. The Following is a direct transcription from the back of the CD/DVD case. Descriptions of each of the tracks on the album. Reading is believing, and go forth with the knowledge that I cant make shit like this up.
Track 1 Time Bomb:
A twisted fantasy of a stalker told through his inner dialog, to have sex through electronics and release the bonds that hold him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-BXAL4DXZY
Track 2: Eye Transformer
Enter the rabbit hole through the vortex of the all seeing eye. Taking you to a place in the future where you can touch pure energy and feel the moon on your face.
Track 3: Diamond Dust
A man from space has come to demand your attention, to make you feel something, to see 20 thousand people realize that they are alive together, as they take this man into their arms.
Track 4: Alphatron
The doors of perception are open to a space traveler. You see what he sees as he scans the surface of an Alien world in search of the reason.
Track 5: Omegatron
Changing form after touching (GODHEAD). This new creature made in the image of the creator runs away in fear and anger in what it doesn’t understand. It wants to be (GODHEAD) and destroy the creator.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICgHAt-JKp8
Track 2: Eye Transformer
Enter the rabbit hole through the vortex of the all seeing eye. Taking you to a place in the future where you can touch pure energy and feel the moon on your face.
Track 3: Diamond Dust
A man from space has come to demand your attention, to make you feel something, to see 20 thousand people realize that they are alive together, as they take this man into their arms.
Track 4: Alphatron
The doors of perception are open to a space traveler. You see what he sees as he scans the surface of an Alien world in search of the reason.
Track 5: Omegatron
Changing form after touching (GODHEAD). This new creature made in the image of the creator runs away in fear and anger in what it doesn’t understand. It wants to be (GODHEAD) and destroy the creator.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICgHAt-JKp8
Track 6: Deeper
Mechanical flowers flying through the summer sky summoned by the keyboard of David Christophere. Feel the sun on your face as he plays for these organic machines.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR6FGaWuoq4
Mechanical flowers flying through the summer sky summoned by the keyboard of David Christophere. Feel the sun on your face as he plays for these organic machines.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR6FGaWuoq4
Track 7: Metropolis
13 windows into the heart of the city of Chicago, the living breathing jungle of concrete and steel. It is part one of the saga of the green fury creature known as “sloth” trying to escape the city and find its way home.
Track 8: Dubbasex (wish you were here)
“wish you were here” rings out over the masses as this beautiful goddess of blue reaches out and burns you in a way you will never forget.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyncv6IdzXY
Track 9: Hypno Conejo
“I shall now count from 1 to 10”. An ambient mind altering experiment into the science of hypnosis. Relax and you will feel what we tell you to feel…the floating head will guide you to ten.
Track 10: Mind Fuct
10 is the number of the fucking of the mind, where the endless hypnotized hordes are whipped into a mad frenzy by “Dr. Strange” and the all seeing all knowing eye. His steal staff must be obeyed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncYeW6RIF60
“I shall now count from 1 to 10”. An ambient mind altering experiment into the science of hypnosis. Relax and you will feel what we tell you to feel…the floating head will guide you to ten.
Track 10: Mind Fuct
10 is the number of the fucking of the mind, where the endless hypnotized hordes are whipped into a mad frenzy by “Dr. Strange” and the all seeing all knowing eye. His steal staff must be obeyed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncYeW6RIF60
11: Star Shine (come alive)
Star Shine was inspired by the movie “Close Encounters”. It is an audio visual dance between a composer, a forty foot video wall, and the world’s first and only video suit (guess they switched to DVD heh heh)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDCnWn-WrNw
Star Shine was inspired by the movie “Close Encounters”. It is an audio visual dance between a composer, a forty foot video wall, and the world’s first and only video suit (guess they switched to DVD heh heh)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDCnWn-WrNw
I will stop here a moment. For those who have been following so far, you probably get the idea. But you don’t. So far everything you just read or heard was an example of a mass of bullshit passing itself off as music, and there have been many like it. But this next one clinches the sheer stupidity of these guys, especially the video, and to me clinches the title of worst album ever made.
Track 12: Lets Dance
One of David Bowie’s biggest pop hits turned into a protest song. Lets dance is a metaphor for lets fight. This electro industrial piece is a cry for freedom at any cost and to fight for what you believe in. The mood is set with police in riot gear attempt to shut down the party. Actual footage of the WTO riots are the backdrop of this black and white blood soaked scene. “we can, we will, survive” is our battle cry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX7AxZEqUD0
What a horrendous amount of bullshit. First of all to use the real footage of people being beaten and arrested to tie in to your DANCE PARTY! How did these guys get so up their own ass that they would use something like that to make them look like “serious artists”. This is not only blatantly disrespectful, but downright stupid. The video makes fun of itself. And what part of the patriot act makes dancing illegal? what is this Footloose?
Track 13: O.B.E.
Picture a sea of hands in the air, as a kick drum hits you in the chest, and the glowing man in an 8 foot human hamster ball runs across this crowd of twenty thousand screaming fans. He is a willing sacrafice to the masses as he is shredded into a thousand pieces. Each one of them will take him home and remember.
here is the good version
Track 14: God Shiva
The allure of this world beat dance piece is its combination of feminine softness and masculine power embodied in our Goddess SHIVA. Her red skin and gold entice everyone who watch her to be sucked into the black void of her eyes. SHIVA brings you fire with her second pair of arms and ties the cultures of the world together with the song she weaves.
Track 15: Decade (aka the steaming turd)
A simple of beating of a heart begins this scene of fire and muscle with no skin. With every beat the poi girls summon him closer. As this dark trance anthem kicks in he appears to bathe the crowd in sparks and fire. There is only one who is chosen to be baptized in the flame and he is returned to the screaming host forever changed.
unfortunately i couldnt find the full video as it is on the DVD. seeing that... i mean wow what BS
The allure of this world beat dance piece is its combination of feminine softness and masculine power embodied in our Goddess SHIVA. Her red skin and gold entice everyone who watch her to be sucked into the black void of her eyes. SHIVA brings you fire with her second pair of arms and ties the cultures of the world together with the song she weaves.
Track 15: Decade (aka the steaming turd)
A simple of beating of a heart begins this scene of fire and muscle with no skin. With every beat the poi girls summon him closer. As this dark trance anthem kicks in he appears to bathe the crowd in sparks and fire. There is only one who is chosen to be baptized in the flame and he is returned to the screaming host forever changed.
unfortunately i couldnt find the full video as it is on the DVD. seeing that... i mean wow what BS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maOovYna-Ac
Well this concludes this blog. As you might have noticed the descriptions were like searching for meaning in fireworks. Also I would like to point out that I had to do no mocking of this album, because it is so horrendously stupid and unworthy that it mocks itself, truly an epically bad album.If you think you can do better, post it. I dare you!
Well this concludes this blog. As you might have noticed the descriptions were like searching for meaning in fireworks. Also I would like to point out that I had to do no mocking of this album, because it is so horrendously stupid and unworthy that it mocks itself, truly an epically bad album.If you think you can do better, post it. I dare you!
3 comments:
Dude, you managed to actually chronicle the ultimate monument to stupidity. Congratulations! Good luck with the 365!!!
I agree with you - probably the worst album ever. I'm still trying to think of one that's worse, but I can't, really.
I didn't read your blog entry, but I want to leave you a comment. Hah.
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